Homophobia – A Letter To My Daughter

Dearest darlingest Eden,

Mummy here! You know me and Mama have always made you a loving home. We love you more than anything in the world and you are everything our hearts wished for for so long.

You might think your family is great, and we are, but there’s something I need to tell you. You see, some people have a problem with two women having a baby. Some people have problems with love. They don’t like it when people are anything other than one man, one woman and 2.4 children. That’s the “ideal”, right? And I know we’ve told you for so long not to worry about what others think, but sometimes these people feel the need to say it out loud and that can hurt.

Your grandma always told me that “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me”. That’s not necessarily true. Words can hurt a lot, especially when they’re talking about your family, your home and where you came from. The things that make you who you are – it hurts a lot when people are mean about those things.

As you grow older, you will hopefully notice that these comments are fewer and fewer. You’ll hear them less and less because people will start to realise that LOVE makes a family. It’s love that brings a child into the world and it’s love that raises them. And that’s what is important.

Unfortunately we are in a situation at the moment where even the President of the United States doesn’t believe in equal love. Slowly but surely, that filters down to people like the person on the street who felt it was necessary to abuse your mummies and you today. You’re too little to remember what happened, but I know it made me worry about when you were old enough to notice. No one should feel like that just from walking down the street. It’s called “homophobia”, which is silly really because these people aren’t scared. It’s not a phobia. It’s hatred. Ugly, vengeful hatred.

So, I wanted to write this to tell you something. No matter what anyone says or does, you are wonderful. You are perfect just the way you are and you did nothing wrong. It’s these small minded people that are the problem. The people who feel the need to point out or assume things about others. The people who just can’t keep their mouths shut but manage to keep their minds firmly closed to anything that isn’t “their” normal. Everyone is different, everyone is unique. But these people can’t see that and that is their problem, not yours.

Just keep being you, because you don’t have to justify yourself to anybody at all. You have parents who love you so very much and that is what’s important. We’ll always be by your side  and we’ll always be your home. Rise above, be kind and remember that it’s not you – it’s them.

With all my love,

Mummy xxx
You can find my original post regarding homophobic abuse on my Facebook Page (feel free to like and share while you’re there!)

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday
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16 Responses to Homophobia – A Letter To My Daughter

  1. Sarah says:

    I think as two mum families it’s probably all of our greatest fear – online we have this big community where our family set up is the norm, as it’s easy to forget that that’s not always the case in the big real world! I constant worry that our son will be bullied or just made to feel different at school, because of us. All we can do is, as you are clearly doing, set up our children with the knowledge that they are so loved, and that these people are a sad minority.

    • I always say it’s the bullies who have the problem, not us. Kids are nasty – they will pick anything. For me it was because I have curly hair!
      You’re right. Set them up knowing that they are loved, they have their family and friends are right behind them and it’s the bullies who have an issue, not them.

  2. Amy says:

    And… I’m crying… Beautifully written. So sorry your family experienced homophobia recently. I think it’s so easy to say to our kids “be yourself, those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter”. But in reality, we need to allow for negative emotions and give our children the tools to express and understand those.

  3. A lovely letter x #KCACOLS

  4. MummytoDex says:

    A beautifully written letter. I can’t imagine how difficult it is to have to put up with such horrible comments, people need to grow up and learn to keep their mouths shut. I know your biggest supporter and defender will be your gorgeous little girl. I hope in the years to come such hatred will die out. xx

    #KCACOLS

    • I will say it is getting less and less and for that I’m thankful, but some days I’m really surprised by the people it comes from. Often it’s kids who have obviously heard it at home and that makes me terribly sad.
      Either way. All we can do is push forward and look out for one another, because the homophobes are in the minority

  5. makinghermama says:

    I’m so sorry that you had to experience that. People can be so cruel to each other. I agree with what other have said, people will find anything to pick on. I think that’s why it’s so important that we find out tribe be it online and/or in person. Thanks for sharing. #KCACOLS

  6. Your daughters beautiful and I’m so sorry that some small minded person had to make you feel so unsure of yourself. It’s brilliant that todays laws reflect that we can’t help who we fall in love with and we should be allowed to marry and raise a family whoever we’re with.

    Well done you for believing that too! I’m married to a man and have a daughter with him, but we’re bringing our child up with acceptance for different situations and families. I accept you.

  7. This is beautiful. I’m sorry that you have to write this to your daughter. I hope that by the time she is old enough to understand things will be different. You sound like wonderful mothers xx #kcacols

  8. Jojo says:

    My daughter is learning that families are different at school already 2 mums and 2 dads etc and only at 8 years old , I want her to understand that’s it’s not always a mummy and daddy like in our house and to form her own opinion not one forced upon her by other adults who don’t always accept the society we live in today x

  9. I’m so sorry you experienced this and had to write this post. That being said you wrote it beautifully. I hate how judgemental people are, you are so right when you say love is what makes a family it really is regardless of the setup! Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday

  10. Bread says:

    I worry a lot about this for Snappy when he’s older. I got picked on when I was a kid cause my mum was living with another woman and I would hate for him to go through the same. I never want him to think his life isn’t okay you know? #kcacols

  11. Laura @ Dot Makes 4 says:

    This is both lovely and sad. I’m sorry you had to write this.
    You’re right, it’s the small minded people that have the problem. You’re a lovely family and it doesn’t matter that you are both mums. What matters is that your daughter has two parents who love her and I’m sure she is and always will be proud of you both 🙂

    #KCACOLS

  12. rebecca widnall says:

    All a child needs is a happy healthy home surrounded by love and acceptance! if that is by one parent, maybe the child doesn’t have a mum or a dad, or they have 2 mums or 2 dads or a mum and a dad. All that matters if the child and family are happy! We don’t say when the boys grow up and have a girlfriend we say partner because its fine if they have a same sex partner they are our children nothing will change that! Its about time the world evolves and accepts that things aren’t they way they were people are free to make their own decisions and have their own happiness! I hope you all a happy healthy and loving life!

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