Scanxiety…

(Another post from the past few weeks between getting BFP and announcing) 

Tomorrow is 7+5 and scan day. A friend of mine coined the term “scanxiety” in the early days of her pregnancy, and I don’t think there’s a word that I can say that fully explains the way I feel.

I had plenty of bizarre dreams last night. One was that they scanned someone I used to work with instead of me, and were giving her my results. Baby was measuring fine, but they couldn’t find a heartbeat. Then I begged and pleaded for an internal scan as this one had been external and we could hear the heartbeat, but still couldn’t see it. Very odd. I woke up at 5am and couldn’t get back to sleep.

Today is 7+4, which is the day we lost Squishy last time, so today is filled with a lot of anxiety anyway. Milestones of pregnancy loss are very hard. I know I will feel a lot better if this scan is a good one.

I have no reason to believe that there will be bad news. I haven’t had any bleeding, severe cramping or anything that makes me immediately think something is going wrong. Being on various pregnancy sites, though, makes you very aware of all the things that could go wrong. All we have known so far is loss, so anything other than that now will be a massive game changer for us.

Anyway. It’s 0940 now and my appointment tomorrow is 0930. So approximately 24 hours from now, we will know where we are and if baby Chip is here to stay.

(This post was written at 7+4)

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This entry was posted in 2015, baby, baby Chip, Scan, scanxiety and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Scanxiety…

  1. lululove88 says:

    I’ll keep you guys in prayers tonight. God bless.

  2. Goldie says:

    I had this feeling before all my scans. Even now at 31 weeks I have one in a week os so and I’m nervous as hell! Even though there’s been nothing to suggest a problem. I cant shake the feeling that “theres no baby until there is a baby to hold”. You just never forget the sadness of losing a baby. Its a haunting feeling. I couldn’t even explain it to my partner.
    I’m glad you’re further a long now. Much love and best wishes for the rest if the journey.xxx

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