Big Fat Period

Well, I got my period. Should have seen that one coming ten miles off!

I’m gutted about last cycle. I really thought that ovulating late was my problem, but it seems even with an early ovulation our chance is fairly low. So, that kind of opens up the list of things that might be wrong again. Old eggs? Too young eggs? n=Not enough eggs? Lining problem? Weak ovulation? No ovulation? Progesterone issues? Uterus issue? Hormone inbalance? Thyroid problem? Blood clotting disorder? Blocked tube? Generally broken?

I was fairly confident that clomid would solve the problem by making me ovulate earlier and more strongly and therefore be more likely to get pregnant, but at the moment I don’t feel like that will be the case. Maybe that is just the period emotions talking. I don’t know whether last month my mind/body played a very nasty trick on me or whether something did go on in there, but I’m not going to dwell on it because that’s something I will never know the answer to.

quoteRight now I just feel like having a total meltdown. I don’t think a period has hit me this hard in a long time. I think it’s partly to do with the expectation of ovulating early and the fact that we got pregnant last time that happened, but it’s partly because we are coming up on Squishy’s due date fast and no pregnancy. It’s also pretty much a year since we started trying again. I just thought I had found the magic formula and I hadn’t. Serves me right for believing in magic formulas, hey?

I’m seeing a different doctor on the 7th January. If he will get me the prescription for clomid I’m just going to take it, but ask for a hospital referral as well. I can see me ending up in tears at that appointment because I am SO TIRED OF WAITING. I know there are a lot of people who have done a lot of waiting, especially around the blog universe and the message boards that I visit, but I wouldn’t mind waiting quite so much if I had a treatment pathway ahead of me rather than just a big confusing nothing. Some kind of intervention or assistance, rather than just sodding blood tests. I don’t need blood tests. I’ve had the blood tests! I’m talking HSG and such. Or the clomid that I was promised SIX MONTHS AGO. Obviously we know one of my tubes must be ok because I got pregnant, but what about the other one? I just feel like people should be being more thorough. My progesterone numbers are probably a crock of shit, which is great as it might make the drs actually take notice of what is going on.

I need someone to take me seriously because I really believe there is a problem that is stopping us getting pregnant. I got my period on NINE days post ovulation. I really don’t think that is a long enough luteal phase. I was willing to work with a ten day LP, but nine days?! I need someone to take me seriously and stop talking to me like I’m stupid. I know they’re the dr and they went to medical school and whatever, but this is my body. I know my body best and if they wont listen to what is going on then I don’t know how they can possibly diagnose anything. Most importantly, I need something to take me seriously because I deserve to be listened to and I deserve to be taken seriously. This is my health, my body and potentially the life of my future child that we are dealing with here. Not a snotty nose.
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I just feel a bit lost at the moment. I feel like this is never going to happen for us. I feel like I’m letting me down, Amy down and our families down. I’m sure no one feels like that, but my heart does. I thought I had it figured out, but as usual we got a big fat curveball as usual. Amy and I talked about stopping, but the crux of the matter is that we want a baby. The only way to have a baby is to keep trying. Even though there’s no fun in it. I’m sick and tired of it. I’m sick and tired of relying on a third person in our relationship – no matter how wonderful he is. I’m sick and tired of sterilising medicine syringes and sample pots on my kitchen counter and I’m sick of OPKs! But it’s the only way.

And well… it’ll be so very worth it when it does happen…

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24 Responses to Big Fat Period

  1. Tast says:

    Sorry to hear AF arrived – you’d think it would get easier but it doesn’t, does it? (((hugs)))

    To be honest I’m surprised they’re willing to prescribe you Clomid without checking your tubes first. If you had a HSG and it showed 1 tube blocked then they wouldn’t go ahead and send you off down the Clomid route without trying to unblock the tube first. There’s no point working with just 1 tube when you can’t guarantee which side you’ll ovulate from. If you mostly ovulate from the side that is blocked then you’re not going to get anywhere. A HSG should always always come before a Clomid prescription.

    I don’t think there’s anything that can be done for a short luteal phase. Certainly nothing the NHS offers or investigates. If you don’t get pg after 6 cycles of Clomid then they ship you on to IUI and then eventually IVF, but that depends entirely on the funding criteria in your area. Have you investigated whether you’ll be entitled to NHS treatment immediately? Many areas require lesbian couples to pay for 6 cycles of private donor-insemination first before they will fund IUI/IVF.

  2. jellybean says:

    i could not agree with this post any more. specially the third person thing. stay stong. We are wishing for you.

  3. DeCaf says:

    I’m sorry. My temps are down today again, I’m spotting, it’s only a matter of days before my period comes.

    I hope they don’t make you wait anymore to up the treatment.

    I hope next month is the month for both of us. 🙂

  4. surfergirluk says:

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Honestly getting pregnant isnt as easy as we’re led to believe. Even when everything is great & where is should be at the right time, it doesnt happen & takes time. Which is of no consolation when we’re on this journey! When we went through ivf i had top grade embryos but i still didnt get pregnant. Human reproduction makes no sense! Please dont worry that something may be wrong because it may well be fine. It’s the waiting for it to happen. It is so rough & you have both been through a lot. Look after each other. Laura xx

  5. This really sucks…i’m sorry for you ladies…i know how hopeful you were…is there no private doctor you can go to and perhaps pay some money out of pocket for a more direct approach? Then you might get someone to actaully listen to you. I know the public healthcare system can be a nightmare from what i understand…is that not an option?

  6. This is like a blast from the past for me. I have written “this” post so many times over the past year. I know how deeply you are hurting and how strongly your desire for a baby is. After you jump this period hurdle i hope you can get back on the horse again. Maybe a break to get some answers before trying again? What blood tests have you already had? Does your insurance cover IUIs or anything fertility related? You can always lie and say that youve been at it over a year to get the coverage. Can you or are you seeing an RE? Sorry for all the questions and lack of knowledge of your situation, its hard to keep up with everyone on here.

    • I dont have insurance hun. We are in the UK so at the meecy of te health system. We have triedfor 21 cycles so no need to lie about it being over a year. It’s been WAY over. Im trying to be referred to gynae at the hospital so that i can see an actual spexialist, not just a GP with a God conplex. Ive had day three bloods – LH, thyroid function, testosterone, FSH, full blood count and “CD21” progesterone.

  7. AndiePants says:

    I’m so very sorry. There’s no way around it being difficult. I hope you get

  8. AndiePants says:

    Some answers soon.

  9. lesbemums says:

    Really sorry to hear this hun. **hugs**

    Most importantly, you are absolutely NOT letting anyone down! These sorts of things are compleyely put of your control which i guess makes it all the more frustrating.
    I got fit, changed my diet, hell even stopped hanky panky for a while thinking it may change something inside during the tww, but nada. The only thing it did was stress S and I out!

    I hope the specialist gives you more help and assistance than the bloody GP. I know they have boxes to tick but they really need to understand that you know best. Its not like youre trying to pull a sickie and need a note – youre trying to have a baby!!!

    Good luck. Xx

  10. I feel so much of this. Sorry about this cycle and I truly hope you get some answers soon. Its hard to be so out of control 😦 sending you comforting vibes!

  11. Lisa says:

    Oh I’m sorry to hear this. It’s sucks
    Doesn’t it!?

    We too after two years of Trying and then attempting adoption route (to be rejected) feel like giving up, but if you want something bad enough you will keep trying and it may happen. 🙂

    I don’t believe 9 days is long enough LP as I believe if implantation happens between day 8 and 12 But we are getting AF day 9/10 then the lining would have already started to break down. I know that a short LP is an issue and this can be fixed when specialists listen, keep pushing for treatment and check your local NHS commissioning group to see what their rules are in respect if IUI.

  12. Laura says:

    What is your local NHS fertility treatment funding criteria? Have you checked out what you’re entitled to?

    • It’s very unclear. I think we are entitled to one ivf but I THINK we have to self fund three IUIs first, which is not going to happen quite frankly.

      • Lisa says:

        The cost of IuI isn’t too bad, it is donor sperm that they charge ridiculous amounts for that makes it completely unaffordable. The NHS is a big mess when it comes to fertility 😦

      • Exactly. If it was just the IUI I wouldn’t mind so much

      • Laura says:

        You should ask. Your local fertility centre will explain it clearly for you 🙂

        You don’t have to purchase donor sperm from the clinic, you can import it from (say) Cryos which is cheaper.

        This time next year you’ll be able to access the UKs National Sperm Bank for half the price private clinics charge too.

        Or, if superhero donor is willing, you can continue using him for free…it jut takes a bit longer as known donors have to have their donation screened and quarantined ‘on ice’ for 6 months but then it’ll be there for you to use for IUI or IVF. 🙂

  13. Molly says:

    I’m so sorry. It’s so hard to put your hopes & dreams out there every month only to have them destroyed–repeatedly. I hope a new doctor will listen to your concerns–they are all totally valid.

  14. pervicax says:

    We are with LWC, London. It’s £800 a go for the donor, £800 a go for the IUI, £60 in train travel and £40 for the HFEA licence. Plus, around £20 a month for decent OPKs (as the cheap ones don’t detect my LH surge). So around £1720 a pop.

    But, we also had to fork out £300+ for initial consultation and scans.

    And – this was the biggest joke – £450 to have my bloods done. I say a joke because LWC suggested I had it done on the NHS as it would be free. HAHAHAHA. The only way to get them for free was to go to a GUM clinic and pretend I’d had unprotected sex with a man. I couldn’t even do it anonymously as I needed the printouts with my name on them for LWC. I just couldn’t bring myself to pretend I’d cheated on my wife. So we paid. Turned out LWC was £200 cheaper! So, when I had to have them done again this summer (as we’ve been at this for 2 years), we did them at LWC.

    Being in a certain county in the UK, I can’t get any help with the NHS. Our primary care trust is very clever… it’s not that they say no to lesbians and single women, it’s just that they refuse to help you unless you’re infertile. So, all the scans and bloodwork show that I can get pregnant. I’m not infertile, just effing unlucky.

    We are not in a position to do this ourselves as there’s no one we could use a donor. In the UK, you can’t buy donor sperm from a spermbank to use at home.

    Each failure means scrimping another £1720 for the next go. Happy days.

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