Online recently we have been discussing annoying things that have been said to us whilst trying to conceive, obviously I can only speak for Amy and I as a lesbian couple trying through artificial insemination, but I would imagine some of these things annoy most folk trying through alternative methods.
“Just Stop Trying and it Will Happen”
Don’t say this. It is plain annoying. I know the intentions are good, but especially as a lesbian couple if we stop trying there will be no sperm and therefore no baby. This seems to be the thing that people say most. Don’t know whether that’s because it is seen as an acceptable way of saying to a straight couple “just have fun with it”, but it doesn’t really work in alternative situations…
“Why Don’t You Just Adopt?”
Ah yes, the old “just” adopt. First and foremost, particularly in our situation, we both have a uterus. So we might as well give them both a go before we move forward. The process for us would be very much like for a straight couple, though. We would try the “natural” way, then move on to dr and clinic if necessary, then IVF, then adoption. Like most people, adoption is not the first option we want to jump to. You wouldn’t say it to a straight couple…
Plus it’s not as simple as “just” adopt. Adoption is time consuming, intrusive and a strain on a couple. It brings the most wonderful reward, but if anything I can imagine it would be harder than trying to conceive.
“Why Don’t You Sleep With A Man?”
Lesbian… LESBIAN! Don’t like sex with men. Hence LESBIAN. Also, in my personal opinion sex between two people is part of a relationship, an expression of emotion between two people. I’m not sure how I would feel about purely “functional” sex with someone I had no romantic feelings for, just my opinion obviously.
“Just put your legs in the air afterwards/just wait until you have egg white mucus/just do it every other day/just lay down for half an hour afterwards”
People say these things like they are the answer, the light bulb moment, the reason why we are not getting pregnant. I know they are meant as useful advice, but certainly when I was trying we had tried most of these things, except for doing it every other day. In a donor situation that would be ridiculous. Also, one of these things are the answer. They do not hinder, but they might not necessarily help either. If there was a one step we could all take then lots of people wouldn’t still be trying.
“Do You Use a Turkey Baster?”
Have you SEEN a turkey baster?! I would love to meet the guy who could produce enough baby batter to fill one of those!
So, there’s a few of my favourite things that people have said. Feel free to drop me a comment and add some of your own.
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