“It Will Happen”…

Recently I’ve noticed that a phrase that used to fill me with hope for the future now gives me rage. The phrase in question? “It will happen”, or it’s sister phrase “I know it will happen” and “just give it time. This is going to happen for you guys.” Also, the variations of the phrase including “you won’t lose the next baby” and “the next one is your forever baby”.

Now, I know that when people say this it is meant with the best will in the world. It is meant to make you want to keep carrying on when things get tough. I’ve got to the point now where that phrase really makes me prickle. I understand the intention, but a little part of me goes on the defensive when people say it.

Why? Because let’s be honest, none of us know what the future holds. No amount of wishing and hoping and goodwill and best wishes will make a baby. Same as no amount of cheering or “baby dust” will cause a positive pregnancy test or stop a miscarriage from happening. I find trying to conceive forums sickly sweet for this the majority of that time – this is why I mostly stay within my own journal on Baby and Bump. Call it cynical, but I don’t find it helpful when people tell me “this is your month”. How do they know? What brand of crystal ball do they own?

So, my polite suggestion is that next time you think about telling someone it will happen, consider a different phrase. I don’t mind when people say “I can’t wait for this to happen for you” or “I hope this happens soon” or even “I hope this is your month!” But telling people that you know for sure that they will have a baby is just cruel. Chances are they will, but no one knows that. We as a race are unable to predict what the weather will be like in twenty four hours, so it is impossible to predict the health of someone’s reproductive organs or pregnancy.

I love wishing. I love hope. One of my favourite saying is “all the world is made of faith, trust and a little bit of pixie dust“, but that doesn’t mean that I know what will happen in the future. So, let’s share hope with one another and not pretend that we know what the future holds.

Loads of love, a very frustrated Laura.

Still no positive opk and I’m cycle day 22

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9 Responses to “It Will Happen”…

  1. lesbemums says:

    Couldn’t agree more. I know people mean well but how on earth do they KNOW it will happen. They don’t. So don’t say it. I’d rather hear what you suggested.

    I think the other phrase that gets my goat is “Just Relax”. Of course, why didn’t I think of that… I always go bungie jumping after an insem or run a marathon. It’s as if it they say it to warn me that not relaxing won’t let it work. Per-lease!

    • Don’t get me started on “just relax”!
      Maybe I’ll write a blog about most hated TTC phrases
      “Just stop trying and it will happen…”
      Umm…

      • lesbemums says:

        OMG!!! That’s like “it’ll happen when you stop ‘trying'” um? What?

        I wrote something like that a while ago. Wrote about things not to say to a lesbian TTC.

      • It’s hilarious. Or people say “just put your legs up”
        Yes… In three years TTC I JUST HADNT THOUGHT OC THAT!!!

      • lesbemums says:

        Haha! Had that one, as well as “are you sticking it in straight away?” No. I thought I’d wait a bit.

        Some people just assume you want their advice sometimes, even if you haven’t asked.

        I don’t know what’s worse… Someone who hasn’t had kids giving you advice, or someone with child but doing it the old fashioned way giving you advice.

      • Yeah it’s annoying. Or when they go “I didn’t have to try”
        Well whoop di doooo you!

      • lesbemums says:

        Exactly.
        Knowing how small the window is, I’m still shocked how ladies have “accidents”.

  2. Hands down most annoying story, “My daughter/sister/friend/cousin were trying for 2/3/5 years. Then the second they were like forget it! We’re nt trying anymore, they went to Cancun/Bahamas/Puerto Rico/ALASKA on vacation and boom! Pregnant! Why don’t you guys try that?” Fucking really? Yeah, why don’t we! Assholes!

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